autumn not that bad!
Hello September! I know that the Pop hasn’t been around in a few months (please blame the webmaster, and not the Pop), but the idea now is to be back, maybe even with a vengeance! Okay maybe not so much. That’s not the kind of operation we run over here. But we are undergoing some major changes, so please be patient just a little bit longer and bear with us! And thank you for your continued support!
I used to hate autumn because it meant going back to school, but as I haven’t been in school for a few years now, autumn really isn’t so bad. The summer weather was so all over the place this year that I’m actually looking forward to September in hopes of an Indian Summer. Please Mr Sunshine, come back. Let me spend just one more weekend with you at the beach.
“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake someone else up, so that they can feel this way, too.” – Lemony Snicket
I have Middle Child Syndrome. I have probably had it since my younger brother was born, and despite my best efforts, I suspect that I may continue to suffer it for the rest of my life. I always feel like an irrelevant and rather useless second daughter. I mean, what Chinese family wants one daughter much less two? And I know that is not the world I live in (as far as I know, no daughters have been drowned in my line), but I still can’t help but think it from time to time. Even despite my mother’s best efforts, I think that she cannot help but express more devotion to my siblings. It used to cause strife and dissention, but I’m over that now.
These days, I’ve found many ways to rationalize it. I think that my siblings just needed more love than me. I think that they are the kind of people who need other people to love them in order to feel validated. I think that they do not really know how to be alone, and would not know how to be happy should they find themselves in such a situation. I on the other hand, I thrive on being alone. I prefer being by myself to being within a large group. Every once in awhile I still like to go out, but for the most part, I could do without the noise and the crowds and the chaos that is Outside. I even think that sometimes when I have constant company, it only slowly compels me to madness. Not mad like angry, mad like crazy. And I do not like who I become when I’m crazy.
Having said all of these things however, I think that I need to make more of an effort to remain connected with the outside world before I develop a more severe case of ochlophobia. I already get pretty tense when I’m out. It’s funny the way Sobriety has changed my life. I didn’t realize how much of my social behavior depended on Alcohol. But now that I’ve figured this out, I suppose I could make a conscious effort before I become certifiable. I say this in jest, but somewhere in my head is a nervous part of me that knows that it’s not all facetious.
But I digress. My point was going to be that I know what it’s like to feel alone, but I’m in place now where I rather like it. I think sometimes we just have to embrace the things that instill the most fear in us. For me, that means getting out more this Fall. It also means letting someone in to a place where no one has been with me in a very long time. Oh, and also, at the end of the day, we’re never as alone as we think we are. That’s what I was getting at.
